Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
