you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Randomize
