What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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