I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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