i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
