Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you would pick up someone in the library
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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