Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
