I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize