You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
and she was petting her beer can
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
