were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Congratulations! We have a period
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
