Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
