I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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