if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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