definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize