Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
