The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
