I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
