the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
