she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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