Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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