2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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