I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
