Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
The air taste purple.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
