We're facebook friends in real life
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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