Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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