why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
