Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
