____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
