So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
