Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
