Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
