i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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