My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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