So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
