We won't sleep together?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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