why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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