Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize