Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
