so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Can I color on your dick again?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
