the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
