No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
