She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
