It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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