I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
