So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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