So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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