Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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