I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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