How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
