I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
