so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
