I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
