i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
