So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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