my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
