I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
