We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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