You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize