you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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