next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
