No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize