what day is it and did you see me today?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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