Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
