One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
