You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
