Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize