my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
