I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Four minutes until I can fart!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
