i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
