My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My penis needs a shock collar
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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