My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
