The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
