First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
