She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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